HOW LOVE CHANGED ME. MY LOVE STORY
There have been few moments within my life wherein I felt as helpless and lonely as I do when it reaches this exact moment. In fact, the vivid looked into a lonelier space on time continues to escape my head.
I look down the line and I try and imagine the world that you simply are in with this time. What are you doing at the moment? What are you considering? What thoughts are running in your head? Do you have a heavy heart like mine? Are you thinking about me exactly how I’m thinking about you? It’s strange how when any devices go quiet inside my world, it’s only you that stays.
It’s just like the rest of the world just drowns in a lot of white noise but they’re there standing perfectly upright in the midst of it all. It’s like although my entire world went down, you persisted inside your presence and prominence.
I am aware that this is an unhealthy practice of mine. I know why you shouldn’t be playing this kind of huge role in my life anymore. I know it would be best that I can just shut you from my head completely in order to preserve my personal sanity; my very own personal dignity. But tonight, can be a special night. Tonight, would be the night that I allow myself to become weak. Tonight, is usually a night wherein vulnerability and self-depreciation will probably be welcomed with open arms.
On this particular night, I will permit you to break through my walls the same way that you simply used to so often before. I will permit you to penetrate the deepest depths of my soul with those tantalizing eyes that employed to haunt most of my days. Tonight, I will allow myself to become human. I will let sadness overcome my soul and I won’t do anything whatsoever to stop it.
On this most auspicious of nights, I will let myself drown around my own sorrows. I am going to linger within the depths of the absence. I am going to shut myself inside the hole you have left inside my fragile heart. Every single time I shut my eyes, it’s that person that I see. And every single time, I open them again, the tears just flow being a river.
There is perfectly no denying that around my mind, you’re still that guy. You are still normally the one. I will not comfort myself for having a lie. That’s the coward’s way. I am no coward. I am quite definitely willing to confront the simple truth. I can face my feelings without the need of hesitation with very little fear. I will not hide from the facts any longer and the simple truth is this: I don’t hate you. I really can’t find any excuse not to be with you.
I can’t just continue on like everything is okay when you are simply a mere chapter within the book of playing. I want you being the entire story. I want you to get my leading person. I can’t resign myself into believing the fabrications that they’re forcing me to simply accept. You are still many of who I am and there’s just no denying it. I can’t overlook you the way in which people are telling me I should. I just can’t choose not to ever acknowledge your importance during my life.
I hunt for you in everyone that I meet. I make an effort to measure them against how you accustomed to be inside my life, and they also never fulfill it. I seek to force myself into believing they’ve what it takes to right all of the wrongs around my life. I try and forcibly tell myself which you are expendable knowing that there are millions of individuals that are better than you. But however hard I try, it simply never seems for being the case. You still always be capable of shine most importantly others. You are only a cut above the rest and I can’t deny it ever again. I think the earlier I can come to terms with the reality, the better I can discover ways to get over it. I’m not really sure if I can defeat it in any way.